Monday, November 10, 2008

ALCOHOL WANTS ME TO PRETEND I'M SOBER

'Be yourself'. 'Love yourself'. 'Need yourself'
I have met so many detached folk in recovery who repeat the above sentences over and over in order to remind themselves that they will never believe them. I have a hard enough time slowly becoming myself, hoping one day I will actually realize that I have a self, not to mind being so brazen and dishonest as to claim that I love myself. Years of 12 step groups, counselling and pain have gifted me with one asset that has saved my ass over and over - the ability to be somewhat honest with my 'devastating weaknesses and all its consequences'. It will more than likely take me the rest of my life to define my concept of love. Then it will take me another lifetime to connect it with the self I am supposed to be. Then and only then will I begin the process of connecting them both. In the meantime - I go to meetings.

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